One step ahead of the (male) curve

Every community has its less desirable members. Got a noisy neighbor, obnoxiously drunk uncle, or a co-worker whose physical presence is no better than rubbing your tongue on a cheese grater?

The kink community is no different. The problem there is that some non-desirables are worse than just annoying.


It was a busy Saturday afternoon at the bar. Word had gotten out to the neighborhood that the place was a good one for a beer, a good movie (the only reason the big screen is turned on), or a munch. My beer distributors were happier with me, Boss had learned how to put up with the crowds, Ret was working out great as a bartend, and people were discovering that you can get just about any beer worth having at Floggin’ Brews.

The AMUSE group was due in for their regular munch in a bit, so I put the RESERVED sign at the foot of the stairs to the loft, and patted the back of the Kernel chair lift I had had installed yesterday. There will be no more access issues with the loft now.

A medium-sized group of younger men came in the door, and the whole atmosphere changed.

I felt something, but picked it up for sure when I saw Boss in Her perch over the front door. Her pupils were completely shot open, and She was lasered in on the bunch of young bucks who were taking seats at the hightops near the entrance. I glanced down behind the bar to make sure the bat and taser were in place.

It felt like that. Best get these guys interested in something besides what I’m afraid they’ve come for.

“Hey! C’mon up to the bar and look over the list and let me know what you’ll have.”

Most of them got up and shuffled over. Most of them looked and looked, and finally found the Coors Light and Miller High Life entries close to the bottom of the list. Figures. (To be honest, two of them ordered from the Surly and New Glaurus lists, so they weren’t all completely appalling choices.)

A few minutes later two of the moderators for AMUSE came in to set up for the munch. Annabel identifies female-wise (and very attractively so), and the guys didn’t miss a thing. They all gave her the up-down-up look, and if eyes could make it happen she would have been stark naked on the floor.

Annabel came up for one of my Bear Hugs, and I whispered, “Watch out for the overgrown fraternity types at the high-tops.”

“Gotcha. Felt them undressing me when I walked in.”

“You two want to wait at the bar until the rest of the crew comes in?”

“No. We’ll be all right. C’mon, Jess.” They went up to the loft.

The AMUSE group started coming in. It’s a pretty good-sized group, and every woman got the once-over from the Joe Kegparties by the door. Boss never took Her eyes off of them, and I kept a weather eye out.

About 20 minutes in, Joanne, one of the AMUSE mods, came downstairs to use the necessary room. One of the guys got up, smirked at his comrades, and followed her back toward the women’s bathrooms. (They’re laid out so that you go around one side of the bar and back to the ladies’, and the other side of the bar and back to the gents’.)

Boss wheeled Her gaze toward me with that High Alert look, but I was already moving. I had already decided I didn’t need anything more than a stern look (at least right now) so I left the bat behind the bar. Sure enough there he was, loitering in the hallway near the bathroom door.

“Help you?”

“Naw, just gonna use the toilet.”

“Yours is around the other side of the bar. Here, let me show you.”

“I’m waiting for my girl.”

Thought so. Boss is rarely wrong. “Friend, she doesn’t know you from a slimy rock.” Pause. “Like I said, back up front, and around the other side of the bar.” He hesitated, smirked again, and sauntered away. I followed back up front where he proceeded to sit back down with his buddies where they all had a good laugh at Loser #1’s expense.

When Joanne came out, I motioned her over and told her what had happened.

“Thanks, Mikhel. I’ll warn the girls upstairs.”

A little while later, four of the Loser Brigade worked their collective courage up and headed upstairs to join the munch shop for dates. Three minutes later they came down en masse with their ears batted down. Those four didn’t even stop at their seats — they all left directly. The remainder looked at each other in disbelief.

Then the moderator team for AMUSE came down and walked right up to the remaining Kavanaugh-wannabes. Joanne said, “Look, guys, this is not a meat-market. We are not trophies to be hunted down and ‘done’. You best move along. Oh, and the next time you follow me, or any other member, to the ladies’ room to ‘get a date’, you’re way more likely to be chosen as a Supreme Court justice than fuck any of us. Got it?”

They got, and they got out directly.

(The boys didn’t bother to clean up and get their dollar refunds. The AMUSE people did that, and got $9 more off their tabs for their trouble.)

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